Mid-September Musings From My Garden

I begin again. It seems an unending quest of finding my place and seeking my purpose. I am going to try to use this blog space to put words to what I see and experience here on our tiny micro-farm.  Please feel free to share your constructive thoughts and comments below below. Keep in mind I must approve all comments in order to protect this space from trash, ad spewers and spammers.
Today I want to take just a quick moment to connect with you on a personal level. I think personal connection is sorely missing in the world and I need to start being the change I want to see instead of simply complaining or being eternally frustrated. In my experience, we used to listen to each other more and even if we disagreed on hot topics, there was basic human respect, kindness and dignity. That seems so rare these days. So here I am making myself vulnerable--but please do not mistake my willingness to be vulnerable for weakness. Today, I begin again. In peace.

I know many of us are suffering on so many levels and I think it might be good to simply sit and take a few deep breaths together. Honestly, I am struggling too. This week I suffered substantial losses when a neighbor's dogs broke through two of our fences and got into our barn-coop brutally decimating most of my laying hens that I raised from tiny peeps over the last 5 years. It was a horrible, horrific scene that we discovered and the dogs were still inside our barn and in progress of the ongoing attack when we discovered it. No the dogs weren't hungry. They were sporting, torturing my girls to death--and it is killing me to know the terror my sweet girls endured as they drew their final breaths. I SAW THIS. I am traumatized beyond words and grieving so deeply. My hens were more like pets/family than poultry/livestock. I cooked for them almost every day. I caught bugs for them. I talked to them. They talked to me. You get the picture. It was so peaceful and healing for me to spend time with them.

Our chickens sometimes enjoyed the Chick-shaw that Jeff built at my request. We moved it around so they could enjoy different areas around the farm.

My girl, Speckie.

I had a very special relationship with one hen in particular and she was helping me greatly in dealing with some old, unresolved traumas from early childhood and young adulthood. She was always at my feet, sweetly cooing, taking treats from my hand and looking up at me. I know some people think this is all very woo-woo but I don't care what they think. My hens were more genuine, loving and real family to me than some members of my actual family and YES I really mean that. My girls weren't "things" and they CAN NOT JUST BE REPLACED. So. This was a really big loss for me. It really put me in a dark place for a few days and I confess it would be so easy to get sucked into a vengeful rage; but that is not who I am and it's not who I ever want to be. I'm not saying I'm over what happened or that I'm completely healed. I believe that will be a lifelong process. BUT. Very early this morning as I looked through the pictures I had snapped in my garden yesterday these thoughts came to mind:

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The sting of grief is softened ever so slightly by the Earth's reminders that we are all connected to each other through her. We all came from her. We will all return to her and the harvest has a place in the cycle of life.

We transition through many stages in this life just as the caterpillar turns into the butterfly. And so it will be to the next life.

Some of the stages we go through in this life are absolutely ugly, heart-breaking and excruciatingly painful but without them we can not reach our truest, highest form.

That doesn't mean I condone what happened or that I won't protect my remaining (or future) hens, goats, property and myself in the future; but I release the rage and I reject any creeping desire for revenge.

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Revisiting my Quaker roots (my grandparents and their ancestors were Quaker) with a profoundly heart-felt understanding that true peace will never be found while pursuing violence or when engaged in angry, vengeful thought processes.

Further, those who pursue violence as a primary means of existence will never attain true peace. Each individual must choose. As for me, I choose love. I choose peace. I will grow. I will transform and continue to shine the light within me as long as I draw breath.

Whatever your current struggles are, I hope you will join me and continue to shine the goodness of your light brightly on our journey through this life.

These are my mid-September musings from my garden. I send wishes of love and peace followed by gentle hugs, smiles & cheers of encouragement. Keep shining. You are needed in this life.

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